LURADIO

Growing up, you’re bound to have shitty days. In preparation for the shit that may come in the future, shit is thrown our way and we learn to deal with it. Some complain, some fight it, and some just wallow in the shit, becoming a kind of shit martyr. For kids, who often lack a “logical” or “sophisticated” (read: boring) view of the world, unseen forces are often given credit for the shit they encounter (religion in its early stage). One student in particular has formulated a way to account for EVERY unfortunate thing that occurs to him.

A’s curse began three years ago, when he was in the first grade. For all of his friends (and much of the Hawaii), the newest Pokemon video game was the ill ticket. Receiving the game as a gift, A was pleased as a parakeet. Little did he know, the game would bring only gloom, and hella helllllla (cha-ching, nor cal), doom. The incipient trouble became totally apparent when all of his friends easily beat the game in a few weeks. A, on the other hand, seemed to be totally incapable of besting his nemesis. For two whole years, the tyke’s life was consumed with a burning need to overcome this dumb ass game about monsters. Thinking that beating the game was the key to happiness, the fateful day was one filled more with relief than celebration. The horror, however, was just beginning.

The curse of the game bestowed upon its victim stubbed toes, splinters, and vicious bad hair days. A even struck out at a baseball game. When he forgot to close his zipper one day, he knew that he was no ordinary boy. Dude is cursed like LaToya.

“WHY WON’T ANYBODY BELIEVE I AM CURSED?!?!?,” he likes to scream. “Why does my drawing of a fountain look like a limousine????? It is the CURSE I tell you! THE CURSE!!!”

Blue paint on his sandals and an inability to make a respectable black out of his primary colors were today’s curse effects. Poor guy.

I realize that A may sound a annoying, but the whole curse schtick is actually endearing. Instead of just whining and getting pissed off, he complains and bemoans his curse, not blaming me or other students. He keeps the kids around him in stitches with his explanation of his life and he can, best of all, laugh at himself. I don’t know if the curse excuse will do him any good in life, but all the shit is made much more bearable by virtue of the fact a stupid video game caused it all.