LURADIO

Friday night, tired after a day at work and errand running. The week has been somewhat of a whirlwind, with the job business and such, but I have to say that I am kinda satisfied that i wasnt an utter failure this week. after wussing out of the maritime museum job, im glad i got this opportunity at the lab.
last night i made the decision to begin my aimless existence (to use a hackneyed term). I knew that i was addicted to aim, but i didnt see it as a problem, but for some reason, spending some time at kingman with pat and his homie put some things into perspective. basically, i havent accomplished anything. i made some beats…whatever. that jayson dude is paying 1000 bucks to print 1000 cd’s…whatever, word up to his confidence. anywayyy…spending time talking to pat, mario, and fayez forced me to realize that i need to get on my shit already. music is what i do, so i need to do it, no more of this half-assedness. so getting rid of aim was the first step (well, getting a job was a pretty big step (to get some new kit)).
i am already seeing some of the positive effects of giving up aim. i worked on music for a couple of hours today, and im finally starting to be able to reconcile all of my musical influences, although i fear this may have a negative effect on my “rap” group, i really dont know if i can deliver what they need/want. i keep thinking about jayson’s beats…they are good, very good, but nothing that i feel like is unique enough. i think because of my elitism, i cant get myself to ever really like anything i do. i hold such a high standard for others that i would be a silly hypocrite if i decided to relax my standards for my beats. i want to come with something that is just different, if only for half a second. i could go an be an equipment elitist and say how using my mpc and keyboards instead of being all in the comp makes the music “realer” somehow, but id just sound like even more of an arse. i just get annoyed with some computer type junk. goddamn, what a bitch and moaner i am. sorry. excuses excuses, i just think that sometimes i have the ability to make something nice, i just dont have the wearwithal (sp?) to follow through. perhaps it is because i hold myself to stupid standards for just about every part of my life and i try to please lotsa people. if i could just have the balls to focus on music, who knows what would happen. so why is he writing this shit and wasting his time, you may ask. well i just needed a break, and ill get back to the music in just a second.
have a good time, stay safe
kris
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